To the Ex who left me without any explanation,
I do not know where to begin, so I am just going to start. I may ramble but I need to write how I feel about how you left me.
You broke my heart in a way that it has never been broken before. I told you that I was afraid of feeling abandonment, especially by you; you told me you would never leave. I told you how afraid I was of my feelings for you and the depth of them, you told me that I was safe in your arms.
The way you left me was wrong. Maybe you were right, maybe we did need to break up; but it did not need to be done the way you did it. You didn't have to ignore me, you could have owned up to what you were doing instead of send me a vague text after radio silence for days. I deserved more than that. I deserved better than being treated like an after thought.
I am angry. I feel betrayed. You jumped into a relationship right away like our relationship meant nothing. How can you do that? How can you move forward with your life so quickly? How can you already be with someone else already? I feel like a joke. I feel like I got played. You turned around into another woman's arms and it leaves me asking questions. Why was I not enough for you? What does she have that I do not? Why am I left brokenhearted while you are already off with someone else? You let me feel these things because you did not have any respect for me. Why should I feel differently? You gave me no explanation as to why you just disappeared from my life.
I never thought you were a coward until now. I have known you for nearly half my life, and I hate how my perception of you has changed. When we were dating, I felt so special. You would show up at my house with things you know I loved. You would check the house before you left to make sure I was safe. You always walked on the street side of the sidewalk. Then you left me like I meant nothing to you. You let me humiliate myself and beg for attention. Now, I do not see you as the strong, brave, compassionate, and sweet man that I thought you were before. Now, I know that you have the potential to be a good guy, but that is not how you ended things. You could have ended things with grace and respect, but you chose to let me wonder why I was not enough for you.
This is where it ends. This is when I stop checking out the window to see if you will show up. This is when I stop checking every black Honda to see if it is you driving. This is when I take the power back. You no longer have the power to break my heart. You no longer have the power to make me feel unworthy. You no longer have the power to cause me massive anxiety. I do not need your explanations or excuses because that won't make anything better. I am taking the power back! I am done breaking my heart over and over for you. I deserve better. I do not need you to feel whole, or worthy. I am enough by myself.
I hope that you find your happy ending. I know that I will find mine, because this is where I take my happiness and my heart into my own hands. You will not find me in the same place that you left me. This is where our story ends and mine begins. I am letting you go now. I am saying goodbye.
Goodbye,
Melynda
